Not standing up for themselves
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
​
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
A fear that they are unequipped to handle the confrontation.
What Will Make It Worse
Ignoring or invalidating the child's feelings, or forcing them into situations that make them uncomfortable with no prior coaching, will not build their confidence, but rather make them feel worse about themselves.
What The Child Needs
1. To gain confidence from your coaching: Help the child build faith in themselves by teaching them how to express their needs, boundaries, and feelings in a respectful but assertive manner. Help them identify where to draw the line, and what to say to take back control of the situation. Role-play different scenarios to help the child make a determination and practice assertive responses. Offer encouragement and support as the child practices.
2. Positive role modeling: Model assertive behavior in your own interactions and relationships. Children often learn through observation and are more likely to emulate assertive behavior they see in adults.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a time and place when you believe the child will be receptive to the conversation.
Begin with empathy, expressing understanding for any difficulty the child may have in standing up for themselves. Let the child know that it's normal to feel anxious or unsure in these circumstances.
Explain why a person needs to stand up for oneself, and let them know that it is an essential life skill, as they will be put in that position many times as they grow up.
Next move in to the specific coaching laid out in point 1 above ("What The Child Needs").
Close with letting them know that you are always willing to help them work through a situation where assertiveness is needed. While it may seem intimidating for them right now, you know they have what it takes and you are proud of them for growing into this new skill.