My child is slowly distancing themself from me
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
​
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
There could be a range of reasons, such as feeling misunderstood, experiencing emotional overwhelm, or problems that they don't know how to handle, but don't want to bring up.
What Will Make It Worse
Avoid making them feel judged, criticized, or pressured to be around you as this will further hurt the connection between you two.
What The Child Needs
1. To know they can always "call the parent hotline": Let them know that you respect their growing need for autonomy, independence and boundaries, but that no one can handle everything alone. Even as a parent you still need their help, your co-workers help, your friends help, etc. Everyone has a long list of people who keep them going and make their happiness possible.
They may not need you every day but reassure them you are always ready to actively listen to their thoughts and feelings without judgment and offer guidance if needed, or simply listen without trying to fix or change anything.
Whether you are their problem, something at school is the problem, the person they are dating is the problem... everything is safe to talk about. They can always call the parent hotline. [ Then explain what a hotline is :) ]
2. A shared interest with you: Look for a common interest or an activity that you can engage in together with some regularity. Every shared experience you have together can help strengthen your bond and make them more comfortable opening up to you.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a time and place free of distractions where the child will feel comfortable talking freely.
Begin the conversation with gentle concern, expressing that you see they are becoming more distant from you. Ask them how they have been doing lately, or if there is something bothering them.
If they start to open up about what is going on, that's great. Listen closely without interruption. Once they get it all out, ask if they want your help in addressing it, or if they just wanted to be heard, and proceed accordingly.
Close with trying to find a shared interest that you two could enjoy doing together.
If they are slow to open up, then continue sharing that you remember how this point in their life is fun and exciting, but also really tough with all sorts of new challenges and unpleasant experiences to navigate. Let them know that they can always come to you with something that is difficult or troubling them (Point 1 under "What The Child Needs").
Close the conversation with them suggesting activities you two could do together because you will be much more willing to give them space if you knew that the two of you will continue having fun times in the future (Point 2 under "What The Child Needs").
Ideally you and your child should work together to find a comfortable balance of you providing them space when they need it, and them bringing you into their lives when they need that too.