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Makes fun of others

Makes fun of others

Before You Begin

Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.

 

Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you. 

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Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.

The Core Problem

A mixture of a lack of empathy, not understanding how their words and actions affect others, seeking a higher social status, and imitating behavior they've seen elsewhere.

What Will Make It Worse

Reacting with immediate anger, punishment, or ridicule won't teach the child why that is not acceptable behavior.

Ignoring the behavior or making light of it might convey that it's not a problem.

What The Child Needs

1. To reflect on their motive: Encourage the child to share their feelings and thoughts about why they made fun of others. Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective better. Whatever they reveal their motive to be, help them find a way to achieve it constructively, not at someone else's expense.

2. Improved empathy and perspective-taking skills: Help the child understand how their actions may make others feel and encourage them to put themselves in others' shoes.

3. To understand the benefits of respect and kindness: Teach them about how leading with respect and kindness towards another person will draw them to you, making them much more connected with you and your time with them even more enjoyable.

4. To clearly understand the boundaries: Teach the child the difference between playful joking that the other person will laugh along with, and a comment that is hurtful. Clearly communicate your expectations around appropriate comments and let them know what the consequences of inappropriate behavior will be.

How To Have The Conversation With Your Child

Find a place free of distractions where the child will feel comfortable talking freely.

Begin the conversation with empathy, expressing understanding that it is normal to playfully tease or say something funny about a person in front of them, but there is a clear distinction between making comments they can laugh at and ones that are instantly insulting to them.

Then mention that you have noticed more and more that the child is saying the hurtful version and you want to understand if they have noticed it too.

Continue to talk with them, holding back all judgement or frustration that could cause them to put up their walls and stop being receptive to what you are pointing out to them.

Work through the list of what they need in whatever pacing it takes to not push them towards shutting down.

Ideally your child comes away from the conversation either better educated on funny comments vs hurtful ones, or has a more empathetic perspective on why to not say mean things and a better plan to achieve what they were going for.

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