Hard time accepting his/her new sibling
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
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Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
Feelings of insecurity, and uncertainty about his/her place in the family with the new sibling's arrival.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with impatience, ignoring the child's feelings, or verbally dismissing his/her worries about the new sibling will worsen the situation.
Being hostile or pressuring him/her to feel a certain way will only heighten the child's negative feelings.
What The Child Needs
1. Security and reassurance: Provide a sense of security by reaffirming your love for him/her and letting them know how special and important they are to the family, even with the arrival of the new sibling. Let them witness situations and milestones of the new sibling and then tell them your memories of it when they were that age. Saying things like, "See how your brother likes applesauce... well you LOVED green peas puree! It was so stinky but you would take the spoon from me to eat it faster!" will really draw them in, build a stronger connection between you two, and show him/her that they haven't been forgotten.
2. Involvement: Involve the child in preparing for the new sibling's arrival or growth stages, such as decorating the baby's room or picking out baby items will go a long way to help him/her feel included, important and a part of the family team.
3. Sibling bonding opportunities: Create opportunities for joyful interactions and bonding between the child and the new sibling. Helping them frame their perspective that their new sibling means whole new kinds of fun times are ahead will put a focus on the upsides of the sibling.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a private space, free of distractions, where the child feels comfortable to talk freely.
Begin the conversation with empathy, expressing understanding for any feelings of uncertainty or anxiety the child may have. Let him/her know that their feelings are valid and that it is important to you that they really feel how much they are loved now, and always.
Asking for and hearing their perspective and worries in their own words will allow you to keep notes in the back of your mind of how to handle future situations in a way that doesn't prove out to them that their fears are coming true.
It doesn't need to all happen in one conversation. Start with step 1 and then incorporate steps 2 and 3 as time goes on.
Ideally, the child will come out of this major life change with more reasons to feel close to you and enjoying their role on "Team New Baby" .