Gives into peer pressure
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
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Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
A strong need for acceptance and validation from peers, leading to a muted desire to make independent decisions.
What Will Make It Worse
If they aren't getting validation from you, the child will become willing to do things they know they shouldn't to get it from someone.
What The Child Needs
1. To build up their self-esteem: Take a moment to reflect to the child all their great traits. Have them write them down if helpful, so they can revisit if needed to remember their worthiness. Fostering a positive self-image and the ability to self-validate will lead to the child seeking attention in healthier ways.
2. Fast decision-making skills: Help the child develop their self-lead critical thinking of possible outcomes and quick decision-making skills to make choices that are aligned with his/her values, priorities and well-being.
3. Assertiveness coaching: Offer guidance or a script to follow on how to assertively say "no" to peer pressure when faced with choices that contradict his/her boundaries or comfort level. Role-play different scenarios to help the child make a determination and practice assertive responses. Offer encouragement and support as the child practices.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a time and place when you believe the child will be receptive to the conversation.
Begin with empathy, expressing understanding for the child's desire for acceptance from peers. Reflect on how, at their age, it feels like positive opinions from your peers is hugely important. As they get older, they'll realize those same opinions aren't worth jumping through hoops for.
Next, have an open conversation about peer pressure and its impact on decision-making, emphasizing that it is a common experience and everyone faces similar challenges. Tell them that you want to help them build some skills to handle these situations so they can quickly determine respect-earning opportunities versus potentially bad situations.
Talk through the 3 pointers above with them (in the "What The Child Needs" section). The goal is to get them feeling good enough about themselves that when their intuition is telling them something is a bad idea, they can firmly articulate why they are going to pass and walk away.
Close with letting them know that you will always accept who they are, and are happy to remind them what makes them great when they are feeling down or unsure of themselves.