Fighting with their sibling
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
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Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
They see their sibling as a threat to what they selfishly want.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with anger, favoritism, comparing the children, or taking sides in conflicts will worsen the situation.
Additionally, ignoring the fighting or dismissing the child's feelings will not address the underlying issue.
What The Child Needs
1. Better conflict resolution skills: Being able to calmly express their feelings in a way that evokes understanding and empathy from their sibling.
2. To improve their emotional regulation: Teach the child techniques such as calmly breathing, to more easily identify and deflate their frustration, anger, and other intense emotions during conflicts.
3. To appreciate their sibling: Foster a positive and supportive sibling relationship, helping the children build trust and connection with each other so they they are willing to compromise, share, and be okay with letting the other sibling get their way this time.
4. Clear boundaries: Clearly communicate your expectations around appropriate behavior and let him/her know the consequences of their fighting.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a private room where the child feels comfortable to talk without distractions.
Use empathy and active listening to better understand their side, and show that you genuinely care why the child did what they did.
Listen without interrupting, so the child feels heard and validated. Avoid judgment and criticism during the conversation.
Even if it doesn't all happen in one conversation, start acting on the provided items that the child needs.
Ideally, collaborate with the child to set positive behavior goals and offer support in achieving them.
Celebrate moments of sibling harmony and cooperation.