Doesn't want anything to do with me
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
​
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
The child is seeking more independence and a stronger sense of their identity, so they may distance themselves from their parents as they explore their own abilities, interests and social connections.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with anger or coercing/manipulating them to get closeness will only push the child further away emotionally, poisoning any remaining desire they had to spend time with you.
What The Child Needs
1. Respect for their autonomy: The child needs respect for their growing autonomy and independence. Give them space to explore their own interests and identity (within the bounds of not doing illegal or harmful actions).
2. To feel that your support is always there: Let them know that you are there to support, and understand them, even if they need time alone more often. Also, remind them that you are available to talk and offer guidance if ever they need it. Encourage open communication by actively listening to the child's thoughts and feelings without judgment and provide positive reinforcement when they do choose to engage with you or seek your support.
3. Shared interests with you: Look for common interests or activities that you can do together. Finding ways to connect over shared hobbies or experiences can help strengthen your bond.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a place free of distractions where the child will feel comfortable talking freely.
Begin the conversation with empathy, expressing that you see they are actively trying to keep a wall between you two, and you understand their need for independence as they grow up.
Continue sharing with them that you remember how this point in their life is fun and exciting but also really tough with all sorts of new challenges and unpleasant experiences to navigate. Let them know that they can always come to you with something that is difficult or troubling them, even if they hadn't always been the nicest or most appreciative of you.
Close the conversation with them suggesting activities you two could do together because you will be much more willing to give them space if you knew that the two of you will continue having fun times in the future.
Ideally you and your child should work together to find a better balance of providing them space to grow up and finding ways that they enjoy to stay close to you along the way.