Can't take constructive criticism
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
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Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
They equate "room for improvement" to being insulted or told they are a failure of a person.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with additional criticism or getting frustrated with the child's response to feedback will make them defensive and less open to receiving constructive criticism in the future.
Additionally, modeling a poor reaction when they or someone else gives you constructive criticism will program them to react that way also.
What The Child Needs
1. To embrace a growth mindset: Let them know that it's okay to make mistakes, or do something less than amazing, and that the resulting feedback is a natural part of learning and maturing. Teach the child about the concept of a growth mindset, emphasizing the excitement that comes from knowing that if you continuously put in the effort and refine your approach, success will come. Frame constructive criticism as an opportunity for growth, learning and refinement rather than a focus on something they did poorly.
2. To pause before they respond: Encourage the child to take a moment before responding to feedback to temper their emotions and open their mind to helpful guidance.
3. To see in you what you are telling them: Model accepting constructive criticism gracefully and openly, showing the child that it's a valuable part of personal and professional growth.
4. A supportive environment: Create a home environment where the child feels supported, free from harmful judgment or negative consequences for making small mistakes. Praise the child's efforts and progress, acknowledging their strengths and areas of improvement.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a calm moment, free of distractions, when the child will talk with you.
Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Let the child know that it is normal to feel sensitive or defensive to feedback, but that you and those providing said feedback want to support them in their growth, not make them feel bad.
Give examples of how in your adult life you are still receiving constructive criticism, and how you are better for it.
Next, talk through the "What The Child Needs" pointers 1 and 2 listed above.
Ideally, in combination with pointers 3 and 4, you are able reframe their reaction to constructive criticism to seeing it as an important and useful part of life that everyone experiences.