Bullying another child
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
​
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
Bullying is often a sign that the child feels powerless in other areas of their life, and is disconnected from group. This combination leads them to exert power on another that they don't feel any empathy for.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with anger, punishment and shaming can exacerbate the situation causing the bully to feel even more outcast, overly-controlled, and generally uncared for.
These heightened feelings will cause them to be defensive, uncooperative, further lower their empathy for others and increase the likelihood of continued bullying or hurtful behavior.
What The Child Needs
1. Outside help to break the downward spiral.
2. To be shown how good it feels to receive and provide empathy to the community around them. Focus on restorative practices that help the child understand the impact of their actions and make amends, rather than a traditional punishment.
3. Support in developing emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and communication. These skills can help them interact positively with others and manage their emotions appropriately.
4. A trusted person for the child to express their troubling feelings and experiences, help them identify and understand their emotions, and teach them healthier ways to cope with their feelings.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a private space where the child feels comfortable to talk without distractions.
Use empathy and active listening to better understand the situation, and show that you genuinely care why the child did what they did.
Listen without interrupting, so the child feels heard and validated. Avoid judgment and criticism during the conversation.
Understanding their perspective and feelings is key to moving towards a change or solution that everyone feels good about.
Even if it doesn't all happen in one conversation, start acting on the provided items that the child needs.
Ideally, collaborate with the child to set positive behavior goals and offer support in achieving them.