Avoids cleaning up their mess
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
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Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
They don't see the importance or benefit to them to clean up the mess.
What Will Make It Worse
Criticizing or shaming the child for not cleaning up will lead to resistance, a worse connection between you and the child, and nothing learned on their part.
Also, cleaning up after them because it is "just easier" will obviously not cause any positive behavior change in them.
What The Child Needs
1. To feel why a clean house is better than a messy house: Explain the benefits that come when everyone takes personal responsibility and cleans up after themselves out of respect for the house and other family members. Remind them of times when areas of the house were messy and the extra effort it caused to continue to ignore the mess (e.g. having to walk around/over stuff, having to clear off a small space on a table to set something down). On the flip side, make the child feel how when everything is in its place, stress is removed in everyone's life, everything gets easier, and there is noticeably more room everywhere.
2. To be allowed to do it their way: Provide the child with flexibility around how and when they clean up. For example, they can choose to clean up immediately after a messy task, or later at a specific time of day.
3. To have fun: Turn cleaning up into a game, or make it more enjoyable by playing music and working together as a family.
4. Positive reinforcement: Praise and encourage the child when they take responsibility for their messes and clean up proactively.
5. To see others pulling their weight: Demonstrate responsibility by cleaning up after yourself and showing the child that cleaning up is a natural part of daily life.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a comfortable place, free of distractions.
Begin the conversation calmly, expressing that you have noticed the child hasn't been cleaning up after themselves. [Provide specific examples if you can]
Continue with empathy, expressing that you know cleaning up after yourself takes effort and it is easy to keep putting it off to go do something else, but if no one cleaned up after themselves the house would quickly become a disaster. [For younger kids, feel free to use a humorously dramatic description of what a house would look like if no one picked up after themselves to keep them engaged in the conversation]
Work through the provided list of needs with them, to get them from seeing cleaning up their stuff as a chore to a necessary but not-so-bad activity they can do their way.
To get them into the habit of picking up after themselves, start cleaning up together, or as a family. It can boost their effort level, and take a lot of the chore feel out of it.