Addicted to their phone/device
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
​
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
The child can't see the hidden costs they are paying to hold the phone/device.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with anger without addressing the underlying problem will accomplish nothing.
Banning usage entirely will lead to feelings of resentment towards you and/or sneakiness in the child.
What The Child Needs
1. To realize the deeper cost: Help the child see that their excessive use is coming at a much greater cost than the monthly bill. Show them the true cost you are seeing them pay (e.g. depression, emptiness, self-isolation, decline in productivity, missed commitments). In a supportive way, help them formulate a plan for getting the benefits of the phone/device without the toll that comes with an unhealthy attachment to it.
2. Healthy habits: Encourage the child to engage in a variety of activities away from their phone/device, such as hobbies, sports, exercise, and spending time with friends and family. The more they get a relatively greater enjoyment from these activities, the less time they will spend with their phone/device.
3. Face-to-face social connections: Help the child foster meaningful real-life connections with peers to reduce the appeal of the phone/device.
4. To not see you on your phone/device all the time: Children will always pick up their parents' worst habits. Don't expect them to do something that they see you aren't doing (i.e. not putting away your phone).
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a private space, without distractions, where the child feels comfortable talking freely.
Begin the conversation with empathy, saying that you noticed they are spending a lot of time on their phone/device, but also agreeing that it is very easy to do.
Share with them that while the device is useful, it's intentionally designed to make them want to spend time on it by exploiting how our minds work and what people are drawn to.
Next, talk through the provided "What The Child Needs" pointers listed above.
If your intuition is telling you that they are going on their phone/device as an escape from something else in their life, explore that possibility with them as well.
The goal is for the child to come away from the conversation being willing and able to stop and ask themselves in the moment if they've reached the point of spending too much time on the device, and if there is something better they could be doing.
The child will likely need a little nudge here and there for points 2 and 3, until the benefits of spending more time doing those things over having a phone glued to their hand become undeniable to them.